I'm in a tree


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Content so exclusive it cannot be found in any of the world's most famous museums.

Hi, I'm Drew Pendergrass. My GMO-free, fair trade, organic website is lovingly built from whatever I decide to post online. It hosts a variety of projects, resources, and ephemera made over the years, including experimental music, my writing, a video game, a fake startup that sells logs on wheels, a stupid Chrome extension, and esoteric sorting algorithms, as well as my research papers and conference presentations in atmospheric science and related fields.

Currently, I am a doctoral student in Environmental Engineering at Harvard University, studying under Daniel Jacob. I am on staff for Harvard Magazine, and I freelance on the side for publications including Harper's and Current Affairs (send me stories at drew@drewpendergrass.com). Formerly, I wrote for the Harvard Political Review and the weekly magazine of The Harvard Crimson. More importantly, I have nothing to do with explosions, my mind's eye exists only in a figurative sense, and I accept the axiom of choice.


An essay I wrote for the January-February 2020 issue of Harvard Magazine on beauty, mathematics, and environmental science: "Working at Beauty."

A Brief Q&A

Q. Who are you?

A. Well, to start off, I keep all my eggs in separate baskets, I have never traveled to an exoplanet, you cannot prove I have sympathies for the former state of Burgundy, I take my eggs over easy, and I am not a substitute for a medical doctor. If you for some strange reason would like to know something substantial about me, you can check out my projects page or my CV.

Q. How can I contact you?

A. You can follow/DM me on Instagram or Twitter, but it's best to email me at drew@drewpendergrass.com. However, if your email is unpleasant, you should direct it to grievances@drewpendergrass.com, an inbox I definitely read.

Q. Why does this page keep changing?

A. This page is randomly generated by the server on each load. Most of the page's contents are not displayed on one particular load, so for the full experience reload a bunch of times.

Q. Why don't you just host this crap on Github like a normal person?

A. Github only allows static websites. I wanted my website to be different for every visitor. DrewPendergrass.com, like life itself, must always be in flux. You could say I'm an artist.

This website proudly supports Otto Neurath and the ISOTYPE picture language


Please represent all social facts pictorially in your correspondence with the owner and proprietor of this website. Do your part to help build a pluralistic and anti-metaphysical theory of knowledge.

Some true statements

I did not orchestrate the Camp David Accords ... I appreciate knowledge of the outcome of a given situation ... to my knowledge, there is no portrait of me that ages in my place ... I am reluctant to resort to black magic ... I keep the old gods ... I am capable of reading English ... I am not a closed, non-orientable, boundary-free manifold ... I hold no world records ... I am not to my knowledge a victim of a mummy's curse ... I have absolutely no intention of running for Senate in the great state of Minnesota ... I am not reptilian ... I have never advocated on behalf of, or against, the Free Silver movement ... I have no trouble distinguishing my right from my left ... I proudly possess object permanence ... I have never commanded an army composed of more than 100,000 soldiers ...

A Moving, and Random, Quotation

To live in this world

you must be able

to do three things:

to love what is mortal;

to hold it

against your bones knowing

your own life depends on it;

and, when the time comes to let it go,

to let it go.

-Mary Oliver

Read more here.

Play Alchemy!

"So fun you won't even need friends!"

Box Cover

Bonus Content Zone!

Three Cryptic Messages Regarding Matters of Supreme Importance

  1. It is necessary for you to fear your safeguards before they beware your neighbors.
  2. All gods have been seized. It is time to review the dreams.
  3. Your regulations will be watched.

One randomly-generated sorting algorithm, please!

Do you have an unsorted list of N natural numbers? Do you just hate it when programs are guaranteed to terminate? Do you get angry when algorithms do better than factorial time? Then you're in luck! The following algorithm has been generated just for you:

  1. Begin with a gaslighting strategy. Insist to everyone that the list is already in order, even if it is not. If they give up arguing with you, terminate the program. If they insist that you actually sort the list, proceed to the next step.
  2. Uh oh! You've triggered a penalty step. Before you proceed, you must perform a task. Andrew Wiles's proof of Fermat's Last Theorem is 109 pages long. Assuming each page contains roughly 2000 characters, the text can be encoded in order 1,000,000 bits. Generate this number of bits and check to see if they prove Fermat's Last Theorem. If they do not, repeat this step. If they do, proceed! You've paid the penalty. (This step was defined in collaboration with Mirac Suzgun).
  3. Produce N blockbuster action films, each with an advertising budget proportional to a number in the list. For consistency, ensure each film is released in the same theaters at the same time of year. (Practically, this means the list cannot exceed a dozen or so items. If N>12, simply delete all but twelve items from the list). Read off the box office earnings for each film in order, printing the number corresponding to each.

Congratulations! Your list is now sorted. You can find a permalink to this particular algorithm here.


Facts about Robert Bork or facts about Björk?

Click the line you think is about Robert Bork!

Example 1

Example 2

Example 3

Score: 0 • Streak: 0

All facts lovingly taken from Wikipedia.

You should google Graham Starr