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"Disclaimer: this website is composed of symbols and images that do not in themselves carry meaning outside of a total social situation which none of us choose."

Hi, I'm Drew Pendergrass. My fair trade, gluten-free, low-sodium website is lovingly built from whatever I decide to post online. It hosts a variety of projects, resources, and ephemera made over the years, including experimental music, my writing, a video game, a fake startup that sells logs on wheels, a stupid Chrome extension, and esoteric sorting algorithms, as well as my research papers and conference presentations in atmospheric science and related fields.

Currently, I am a doctoral student in Environmental Engineering at Harvard University, studying under Daniel Jacob. I am on staff for Harvard Magazine, and I freelance on the side for publications including Harper's and Current Affairs (send me stories at drew@drewpendergrass.com). Formerly, I wrote for the Harvard Political Review and the weekly magazine of The Harvard Crimson. More importantly, I have absolutely no intention of running for Senate in the great state of Minnesota, I take my eggs over easy, and I have never commanded an army composed of more than 100,000 soldiers.


My feature on dirt, and the scientists who study it, for the June 2020 issue of Harper's Magazine: "Ground Control."

A Brief Q&A

Q. Who are you?

A. Well, to start off, I am not a substitute for a medical doctor, I have never traveled to an exoplanet, I hold no world records, to my knowledge, there is no portrait of me that ages in my place, and I am capable of reading English. If you for some strange reason would like to know something substantial about me, you can check out my projects page or my CV.

Q. How can I contact you?

A. You can follow/DM me on Instagram or Twitter, but it's best to email me at drew@drewpendergrass.com. However, if your email is unpleasant, you should direct it to grievances@drewpendergrass.com, an inbox I definitely read.

Q. Why does this page keep changing?

A. This page is randomly generated by the server on each load. Most of the page's contents are not displayed on one particular load, so for the full experience reload a bunch of times.

Q. Why don't you just host this crap on Github like a normal person?

A. Github only allows static websites. I wanted my website to be different for every visitor. DrewPendergrass.com, like life itself, must always be in flux. You could say I'm an artist.

This website proudly supports Otto Neurath and the ISOTYPE picture language


Please represent all social facts pictorially in your correspondence with the owner and proprietor of this website. Do your part to help build a pluralistic and anti-metaphysical theory of knowledge.

Some true statements

I keep all my eggs in separate baskets ... I am not a closed, non-orientable, boundary-free manifold ... I have never advocated on behalf of, or against, the Free Silver movement ... I have no trouble distinguishing my right from my left ... I keep the old gods ... I did not orchestrate the Camp David Accords ... I am not reptilian ... I appreciate knowledge of the outcome of a given situation ... my mind's eye exists only in a figurative sense ... I accept the axiom of choice ... I proudly possess object permanence ... I am reluctant to resort to black magic ... I have nothing to do with explosions ... you cannot prove I have sympathies for the former state of Burgundy ... I am not to my knowledge a victim of a mummy's curse ...

A Moving, and Random, Quotation

We know, indeed, what history can do when it gains a certain ascendancy, we know it only too well: it can cut off the strongest instincts of youth, its fire, defiance, unselfishness and love, at the roots, damp down the heat of its sense of justice, suppress or regress its desire to mature slowly with the counter-desire to be ready, useful, fruitful as quickly as possible, cast morbid doubt on its honesty and boldness of feeling; indeed, it can even deprive youth of its fairest privilege, of its power to implant in itself the belief in a great idea and then let it grow to an even greater one.

-Nietzche, from "The Uses and Disadvantages of History for Life"

Read more here.

Play Alchemy!

"So fun you won't even need friends!"

Box Cover

Bonus Content Zone!

Three Cryptic Messages Regarding Matters of Supreme Importance

  1. It is necessary for you to watch your nations before they blame your gods.
  2. Your morals have been trivialized. It is time to fear the idols.
  3. All ideas will be reviewed.

One randomly-generated sorting algorithm, please!

Do you have an unsorted list of N natural numbers? Do you just hate it when programs are guaranteed to terminate? Do you get angry when algorithms do better than factorial time? Then you're in luck! The following algorithm has been generated just for you:

  1. Begin with a gaslighting strategy. Insist to everyone that the list is already in order, even if it is not. If they give up arguing with you, terminate the program. If they insist that you actually sort the list, proceed to the next step.
  2. Uh oh! You've triggered a penalty step. Before you proceed, you must perform a task. Obtain one (1) chess grandmaster. You are generous, so you let them go first. After they move their piece, move a random one of yours to a random cell on the board. If this move violates the rules of chess, flip the board in anger and start again. If it is a legal move, continue playing until either the board is flipped or checkmate. If the grandmaster has won, repeat the game. If you won, proceed to the next step. You've paid the penalty.
  3. Produce N blockbuster action films, each with an advertising budget proportional to a number in the list. For consistency, ensure each film is released in the same theaters at the same time of year. (Practically, this means the list cannot exceed a dozen or so items. If N>12, simply delete all but twelve items from the list). Read off the box office earnings for each film in order, printing the number corresponding to each.

Congratulations! Your list is now sorted. You can find a permalink to this particular algorithm here.


Facts about corn or facts about Korn?

Click the line you think is about corn!

Example 1

Example 2

Example 3

Score: 0 • Streak: 0

All facts lovingly taken from Wikipedia.

You should google Graham Starr